When the feeling of being ignored by the system so intense and the career at the lowest point; feeling as if it's time to give up and head for another direction, uncle B wrote down on a piece of paper and conveyed it to me this morning. I was speechless, literally speechless. The tear gland was stimulated but I was holding back. I couldn't react and I didn't know how to react. There were people around us. And I was doing my usual job in the morning.
"Whenever (yours sincerely) is around, I feel safe and that my worries are all gone."
It was a reflex to be a little stuttered. Words uttered out quickly, "Uncle...uncle...I..." I was stucked. Embarassed. I saw him got worse and recovered. But it wasn't me alone with him along the battle. "I don't deserve that". Shyly, I moved away.
Being in a system where merits means nothing, and future career being oppressed for putting the best at work, can simply be summarized as demotivating. Looking at others climbing the ladder so easily and effortlessly due to certain background making one wonders if qualifications are really necessary at this place. Where quantities are prioritized than qualities, I have forgotten what's the reason of getting into this field. I want to believe this is changing, or at least will change. Somehow this perception seems so faraway from being able to be achieved.
It's like a stage afterall, or a play. You don't even have to put up a face at work, just come to work whenever you like and do whatever you want, and be whatever you desire, the work performance will only be judged on who you are in the end of the day and not the work you have put in. Ironic. It is indeed. It's no more a rat race. It's a different league afterall.
The rain has been going on since noon. I am tired, very tired indeed. I remember visualizing a child clasping both his hands and pray at night, so that tomorrow will be a better day.
"Whenever (yours sincerely) is around, I feel safe and that my worries are all gone."
It was a reflex to be a little stuttered. Words uttered out quickly, "Uncle...uncle...I..." I was stucked. Embarassed. I saw him got worse and recovered. But it wasn't me alone with him along the battle. "I don't deserve that". Shyly, I moved away.
Being in a system where merits means nothing, and future career being oppressed for putting the best at work, can simply be summarized as demotivating. Looking at others climbing the ladder so easily and effortlessly due to certain background making one wonders if qualifications are really necessary at this place. Where quantities are prioritized than qualities, I have forgotten what's the reason of getting into this field. I want to believe this is changing, or at least will change. Somehow this perception seems so faraway from being able to be achieved.
It's like a stage afterall, or a play. You don't even have to put up a face at work, just come to work whenever you like and do whatever you want, and be whatever you desire, the work performance will only be judged on who you are in the end of the day and not the work you have put in. Ironic. It is indeed. It's no more a rat race. It's a different league afterall.
The rain has been going on since noon. I am tired, very tired indeed. I remember visualizing a child clasping both his hands and pray at night, so that tomorrow will be a better day.Uncle has shown me some comfort today. Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment