He was 60 year old, when his condition deteriorated. Few days ago, he was like any other uncles whom at times would speak to me every morning. He was an alert man despite his illness. 3 days ago, I realized his condition changed. He was less alert and appeared abit confused. He was not like his usual him.
I started to enquire others and found out that he was not doing well over the weekend. I wasn't around then to witness what happened. I was really concern. I went to his bedside and started speaking to him again. In between his confused speech, I could find some sense in it.
He knew I was worried because I completely took charge on him. He told me repeatedly, 'don't worry, I am tough enough. I won't let go so easily. I am tough." He slipped in between consciousness whenever I passed by him. His words were relieving but I was abit skeptical. Perhaps I took his word for granted. I thought he would be fine soon.
Yesterday I was away. Too busy at work and never had the chance to meet him in the morning. I thought he would be strong enough to live until today but I found him missing. It didn't hit me until someone told me that he had expired. I was shocked. Utterly distressed.
I remember looking into his eyes when he deteriorated and asked if any of his family members were around. I was so worried if anything happened to him, his family would regret not being there for him. He said NO. He travelled far away and he's alone. My heart is now pinching. It's not regret. It's sympathy. May his soul rest in peace.
At times I am really afraid. Afraid of the unexpected. I am learning to be more close to the loved ones whenever possible. I can't dread or regret anymore as life is so unpredictable. There are so many things playing in my mind now but working for the past 2days non-stop is making the mind more confused. Perhaps I should call the day off.
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