Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life.

After a cold shower, the night is calming down slowly. It was afterall a rough day. The mood had once again hit the dipping note. It feels like hitting the wall, nowhere to go. So frustrated. Hmm... How can I complain...? I got a flu, no, I don't think that H1N1 thing but the normal flu from not taking enough water. On top of that, yesterday's meeting only served coffee, with thick condensed milk! How can I not get so dry in the end of the day. The sorethoat, it's an early sign. The precautions were taken the night before going bed. But the misty morning and the aircond in the office once again irritated the nostrils. I had to but to take a tab of flu med, which made me drowsy the whole day. Rested but not really well rested.

We had another aerobics session today. I am starting to feel a lil bit of frustration. I know I shouldn't have but I said I am going to! Not yet, but soon. Most of the superiors in the office were away either for courses, or took leave. Leaving me alone to fend for everything. I have been doing things which are not my work -related stuff but for me to take care of these ppl who are like small kids with an adult body?? On top of that having the flu. Come on, hit me hard! Slowly I felt the pinch of reality. Perhaps it's true that people won't change rather than can't change. Well, I did change for better! But not others. I have been pushing the situation so that people would comply and improve further. I know I have made lotsa changes but the feelings that I've got so far is that, once I leave, the place will crumble once again. People who are not born leaders just cannot lead! Even though you try so hard to train one, if they were not meant to, they were not! Or perhaps they refuse to come out from comfort zone. I don't know.

During the aerobics, it seemed like more of taking care and entertaining the kids. Yes, kids! Big kids! They had fun, it felt nice coz it was like creating magic. I enjoy bringing joy to others. But it was a lil disappointing coz ppl just expect magic and never want to learn the art of bringing magic. They expect me to do all the leadings, and if I was not around, they started to lag. They need to be pushed all the time. Things won't move when I am not around and I made that clear to them as if I was doing this to please myself. I could've gone back at 5pm and shut the door, not bothering the world outside. I could have just concentrated on my work and not care if they learn anything. But no. I took my time, spend my energy, so that people will start learning and perhaps one day they could take over this art and move on. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life.

How true is this saying? Again, reality check. Once, the people from the agency came and taught the people to fish and provide some fishing nets so that these people could start fishing and get a business outta it. They were then given 200bucks to buy other materials. After taking the nets and the money, they left the talk even before it started. No, that's not done yet. Later, they sold their nets and get the money so they could spend on them. Voila, reality checked. Speechless.

Feel so old already, feel like doing a father job here. So boring. Just because people don't care of these KIDs, I feel like it's my obligation to raise them up nicely. They are anyways my staff. Look at the kids and you know the parents. So the saying goes that way. I want them to be capable, I want them to mean something to the community, I want them to start creating magics and transmitting it to others like dominos effect, I want..., I want..., I want...gee... I am just a human. Okla, after ranting, I'll just get back to reality. The reality says that magic will never stay put at one place. So, I guess it's time for me to leave this place and embrace a new environment. And yes...I am still waiting.